1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
