So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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