i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
