We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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