evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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