chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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