I am in a vortex of obligation.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
