Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
