we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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