4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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