and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
