If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
