The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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