I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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