bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
