I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
