I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
