So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
