i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
