Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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