Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
