Life is so much better after having sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
