i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
