Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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