I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
