his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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