I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
