ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
