he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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