You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
