i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
