I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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