What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
