i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
