Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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