its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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