I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
