my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You smell like stripper and shame
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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