this just has baby written all over it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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