i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
