U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
