tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i've created a new STD.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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