Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
