and she was petting her beer can
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
