when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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