i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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