I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I have a pirate flag
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