im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
