Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
