I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
