Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
